Woman 2025: To be, or not to be: that is the Question

The 2025 Saga of ‘What Is a Woman?’

By The Department of Common Sense, Long Since Disbanded

In the glorious year of 2025, where AI writes your emails, billionaires fly to Mars on lunch breaks, and TikTok influencers teach quantum mechanics in 60 seconds — the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom has bravely waded into a burning question that has left philosophers, scientists, and your uncle on Facebook in heated debate for years:

“What is a woman?”

That’s right. While wars rage, climate change melts ice caps faster than TikTok trends, and global inequality yawns wider than a Love Island contestant’s CV, the highest legal minds in Britain have descended from their lofty chambers to confirm: a woman is… wait for it… an adult human female. Shocking. Revolutionary. We’ll need time to process.

Outside the courtroom, women who had been informed for decades that they were oppressed under the evil spectre of “patriarchy” embraced in tears. Not because the patriarchy had been vanquished — oh no. But because the court had finally confirmed that they actually exist.

Let’s take a moment to marvel at the irony:
For decades, the liberal West told women in the Global South — particularly Muslim women, that they were oppressed. “You’re veiled!” they cried. “You’re modest!” they gasped. “You need to be liberated!” they howled — usually between sips of Prosecco at women’s empowerment brunches. And yet here we are: women in Britain now need a Supreme Court verdict to confirm their biological reality.

Who knew it would take a courtroom and several exhausted judges to affirm something every schoolchild used to learn in Year 6 biology class?

So let’s tally this up:

• Women in hijabs? Oppressed.
• Women needing legal permission to define their sex-based protections? Empowered!
• Middle Eastern women attending university at higher rates than men in their countries? Patriarchal nightmare.
• Western women protesting for the right to single-sex toilets? Progress in action.

You couldn’t make it up. But in 2025, someone did. Probably several think tanks, a few lobby groups, and at least three people on X

Now, where has all this landed cherished liberal freedoms? The same liberal freedoms that lectured the world about women’s rights, that parachuted into nations with pamphlets and drone strikes promising feminism?

Well, apparently, those freedoms are now confused. Because if “woman” is a feeling, not a biology, then what exactly is being liberated anymore? What rights are they championing? And how dare Islam get grilled over “women’s oppression” when even defining a woman causes national outrage in the UK?

In an age where a definition can be called a hate crime, and basic science is seen as a political statement, perhaps we owe Muslim women an apology. Maybe the veil wasn’t the cage after all. Maybe the real oppression was the endless redefining of womanhood until it meant nothing — and then telling women they were empowered for playing along.

As JK Rowling tweeted between bestselling novels and enraging half the internet: “It took three extraordinary, tenacious Scottish women to get this case heard by the Supreme Court.” Three. Not warlords. Not revolutions. Just three women and the biological facts we’ve always known.

So, here we are. In 2025. A time where asking “What is a woman?” can get you cancelled at brunch but celebrated at the bar — depending which judge you quote.

And through it all, one thing is clear: maybe, just maybe, the world should start listening to the women they keep trying to liberate. Especially the ones who never needed liberating in the first place.